August 6, 2006
Indian Weddings
This last week took us out of the routine. On July 29th several coworkers and I took the train to Visakhapatnam ("Visak" for short) on a 12-hour journey, where we met up with Rock, to see one of my co-workers get married. There is something surreal about seeing India via its vast railway system. It really is an amazing country.
This was our first Indian wedding. The marriage had been agreed upon back in February, but it did not occur until now because the date and time of the ceremony were determined by a religious astrologer based on the bride and groom's birthdates. As a matter of fact, the wedding ceremony itself was at 4 AM on a Monday morning. The ceremony is generally only attended by close friends, family, and (in our case) curious Americans. There was a reception the night before for more casual acquaintenances to wish the couple well. It was fascinating. The couple sat on red throne-looking chairs on the stage during the reception, framed by a beautiful flower facade arrangement. Friends could then wish them well and take pictures. The bride wore a beautiful red and orange sari, and the husband wore the traditional groom's outfit (a sort of fancy kurta). We left around 10 PM, but the couple and their family members would remain the whole time until the ceremony the following morning.
We returned with our group in the morning. The bride changed saris a couple of times throughout the ceremony, finally ending in an orange and white sari. There was a lot of symbolism in the wedding that I didn't fully catch. It was officially complete when they tied three knots into the mangal sutra (necklace worn by married women). The knots each stood for a vow: money (husband to take care of wife), something else (can't remember), and fidelity. The bride and groom then threw a local staple grain (rice?) onto each other's heads, symbolizing giving each other blessings. They did this several times. Then their families, who were in a circle around them, all threw the grain onto the couples' heads.
The other interesting point was that there were two different bands there that played uniquely Indian music at certain points of the ceremony. What was interesting about this is that they often played different music at the same time -- kind of felt like an Indian version of "Battle of the Bands." Not sure why.
It was a really neat experience. We've been told that, being a Southern wedding, it was much more mellow than the Northern weddings, which tend to last weeks and in which the groom often arrives on a horse.
This was an arranged marriage. Most middle-class Indians I have spoken to prefer arranged marriages over love marriages. In some ways, it really is a convenient system. You get to an age where you feel ready to get married, and your family does all of the work in terms of identifying, meeting, and narrowing down the prospects. While there are some families in which the parents make the final decision without any input from their children, nowadays in many cases the prospective bride and groom will meet with each other from anywhere from 30 minutes to multiple visits to decide if they want to get married. They basically have "veto power."
Marriage provides a unique challenge for Mormon Indians. The LDS church is relatively young in this country, so most people are converts and therefore belong to part-member families. Because family is such a strong social force in India, young single adult converts often have little choice but to marry non-LDS prospects that their families arrange for them, or face being ostracized. Even people whose families are LDS find it challenging, especially women. The culture here is such that women generally move in with their husbands families after marriage and are expected to embrace whatever faith their husbands and husbands' families belong to, whether or not they themselves believe in that faith. With very little LDS prospects, women often have to make the very difficult choice of either staying LDS or having a family, but not both. In a culture where family is of utmost importance, this seems to be a much more difficult decision than it would be even in the States.
The way that many LDS couples find each other is through serving missions. When the mission is over, one of the families might approach the other family about a marriage. Also, there are certain cities in the country whose branches have a reputation for hooking up LDS couples.
Indian Weddings
This last week took us out of the routine. On July 29th several coworkers and I took the train to Visakhapatnam ("Visak" for short) on a 12-hour journey, where we met up with Rock, to see one of my co-workers get married. There is something surreal about seeing India via its vast railway system. It really is an amazing country.
This was our first Indian wedding. The marriage had been agreed upon back in February, but it did not occur until now because the date and time of the ceremony were determined by a religious astrologer based on the bride and groom's birthdates. As a matter of fact, the wedding ceremony itself was at 4 AM on a Monday morning. The ceremony is generally only attended by close friends, family, and (in our case) curious Americans. There was a reception the night before for more casual acquaintenances to wish the couple well. It was fascinating. The couple sat on red throne-looking chairs on the stage during the reception, framed by a beautiful flower facade arrangement. Friends could then wish them well and take pictures. The bride wore a beautiful red and orange sari, and the husband wore the traditional groom's outfit (a sort of fancy kurta). We left around 10 PM, but the couple and their family members would remain the whole time until the ceremony the following morning.
We returned with our group in the morning. The bride changed saris a couple of times throughout the ceremony, finally ending in an orange and white sari. There was a lot of symbolism in the wedding that I didn't fully catch. It was officially complete when they tied three knots into the mangal sutra (necklace worn by married women). The knots each stood for a vow: money (husband to take care of wife), something else (can't remember), and fidelity. The bride and groom then threw a local staple grain (rice?) onto each other's heads, symbolizing giving each other blessings. They did this several times. Then their families, who were in a circle around them, all threw the grain onto the couples' heads.
The other interesting point was that there were two different bands there that played uniquely Indian music at certain points of the ceremony. What was interesting about this is that they often played different music at the same time -- kind of felt like an Indian version of "Battle of the Bands." Not sure why.
It was a really neat experience. We've been told that, being a Southern wedding, it was much more mellow than the Northern weddings, which tend to last weeks and in which the groom often arrives on a horse.
This was an arranged marriage. Most middle-class Indians I have spoken to prefer arranged marriages over love marriages. In some ways, it really is a convenient system. You get to an age where you feel ready to get married, and your family does all of the work in terms of identifying, meeting, and narrowing down the prospects. While there are some families in which the parents make the final decision without any input from their children, nowadays in many cases the prospective bride and groom will meet with each other from anywhere from 30 minutes to multiple visits to decide if they want to get married. They basically have "veto power."
Marriage provides a unique challenge for Mormon Indians. The LDS church is relatively young in this country, so most people are converts and therefore belong to part-member families. Because family is such a strong social force in India, young single adult converts often have little choice but to marry non-LDS prospects that their families arrange for them, or face being ostracized. Even people whose families are LDS find it challenging, especially women. The culture here is such that women generally move in with their husbands families after marriage and are expected to embrace whatever faith their husbands and husbands' families belong to, whether or not they themselves believe in that faith. With very little LDS prospects, women often have to make the very difficult choice of either staying LDS or having a family, but not both. In a culture where family is of utmost importance, this seems to be a much more difficult decision than it would be even in the States.
The way that many LDS couples find each other is through serving missions. When the mission is over, one of the families might approach the other family about a marriage. Also, there are certain cities in the country whose branches have a reputation for hooking up LDS couples.
posted by Jen at 9:51 AM
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